A Slice of Life

House work

I'm having work done to my house. The two bathrooms are being renovated. And at last, my kitchen will be transformed. the total cost is not that much -- probably less than $10,000 to have all this work done and believe me it is so worth it.

I feel like these last two things are the final tasks that make the house mine and my daughters. It will be totally transformed since my former husband lived in it and I am ever so grateful that we have stayed and made it our own cozy castle. It funny how acts like changing the color of a room or rearranging the furniture can mark the territory and make it all mine.

Sunday, Sunday

It's Sunday....again. I am sitting in my office listening to Pink Floyd's The Wall through ITunes and wondering where does all this time go? It's not a complaint, it's a real question.  I see the minutes, hours and days just sift through my life and think things are moving a little too fast. How do we slow down this racing life and still accomplish all that we set out to do? Perhaps it's winnowing down that list of expectations or maybe it's just settling into the pace and letting it be what it is? I haven't quite decided what the solution is.

There are days when I want time to move on. I think if the pace doesn't pick up I am just going to die of complete boredom. But then I think of time in relation to parenting. I look at my sweet 15-year-old daughter and I am horrified at how quickly she is growing up and I think that her life has blossomed right before my eyes and I haven't done enough appreciating of her growth. She will be away at college in two and half years if everything goes according to plan. And I wonder how I am going to feel after I've helped her settle into her college room and I walk away without her and head home. I will be alone for the first time ever and I don't know how to feel about it. But I don't need to know how to feel about it, do I? I just need to feel it.

Time is funny. It has a way of making us think and the other thing about time, you never know where it's going to lead you.

It's Snowing

It's the second snow of the season and it's really rather lackluster. When I arrived at work this morning,  after being forewarned by the weatherman that we might get three inches of snow, I headed to the parking gargage. One of the last things I want to do at the end of a work day is brush snow off my car.

When I left work tonight the snow was coming down, but it wasn't sticking and it looked rather gloomy. I love a lusty snow storm when there are flakes wind-whipped to the ground with the fury of wet cat. That's the one thing about Chicago. It can certainly be ugly in the winter. The flat terrain, the grid of straight streets, the stucco houses that look dirty and lovelorn. By the time March arrives I'm about ready to hurl myself onto the El tracks being driven mad by the sheer greyness of the winter season here.

I grew up in New England and spent half my life in Boston and the other in Connecticut. Each season had it's beauty.  The streets curved and it was always a mystery what you would see when you came around the corner. The terrain was hilly and houses old and quaint with lots of stories sitting inside them. I miss the sense of history and the smell of old houses. I miss a snow storm where you watch drifts swell on hills and in colonial fields. That's a great snow storm.

Headaches & Skin Growths

I have the most uncomfortable sinus headache right now. It has settled on the left side of my face and is snuggling up to the side of my nose. I stopped on the way home to pick up some Advil sinus medication to dull the throb. So I sit here on my bed writing trying to ignore the pain until the pills kick in.

Today, has been a great day for body/health issues. I've had this tiny little growth sprouting under my right eye. At first it was a little tentative about getting too big and then one day it sprouted and seemed to become astronomically large and overwhelming. I felt like I had this giant skyscraper of hard skin towering out of my face. Of course, this is an overstatement and those select few I decided to point it out to assured me it wasn't even noticeable. Regardless, I've taken to wearing my glasses to disguise this bit of architecture on my face.

Today, I had an appointment with my family doctor to have it removed. I arrived at the doctor's office just before noon expecting it to be nearly empty as I have always found it. This time the waiting area was packed with people. "Great," I thought. I'm going to be stuck her forever. Then I caught myself and decided to become zen about the whole situation. Within minutes I was escorted into the back.

Of course, I had to be weighed. Why do they always weigh us when we go to the doctor's even if we are just there for a flu shot? I watched the digital scale tick up the numbers and it stopped right around where I was hoping it would. Phew, despite the weekend of Thanksgiving decadence I've maintained my weight. But I do need to buckle down and lose some more.The other strange thing is that I registered half an inch taller than when I was last there. A growth spurt perhaps.

Anyway, the doctor comes in to see me and addressed me as "young lady." A point for her. Then I showed her my growth. "Hmmmm," she said. "It's just a skin tag." She gave me the option of having it cut off with no numbing or frozen. The latter she discouraged because it was so close to my eye. "Cut," I replied with a little bit of a cringe. "Oh, don't worry," she smiled. "My patients tell me it just a quick ouch." I showed her my little tags on my neck, those she agreed to freeze.

She swabbed some alcohol on my skyscraper skin tag, and then with a pair of scissors that looked like the kind you use to cut your toenails, she snipped it off. I was amazed. No pain, minimal blood and my face was restored to normalcy. Then she proceeded to freeze my other tags on my neck.

As I reread what I just wrote, I ran my finger under my eye and kind of missed feeling the roughness of that scrappy skin tag.

The headache is gone and I don't have much else to say on the subject of skin growths except that today was a good one because the most annoying growth is gone. And that's the way it is for now.

My face

For the last several years I have adamantly avoided having my photograph taken. It's my face that gets in my own way. When I stand in the mirror and examine it as objectively as I'm able, I think it's a fine one. I have two eyes, a nose that is in proportion, a mouth that works and lips that some would describe as rich. Kissable, I think. But then my eyes focus on this white space -- too much skin surrounding the island of working parts. It slowly happened about eight years ago. As I hit the upper range of age 30, my body rebelled. It started spreading in places that had previously been stable. My face was always normal and my cheekbones were nicely defined. My waist was narrow, my belly under control. My thighs and bottom have always been problematic.

It's my face that is most bothersome to me. It's like it has spread out and become almost alien and if that's not bad enough by neck and chin have followed suit. Then when I look at a photograph someone has surreptitiously snapped of me, I glance at this person and wonder "Who is she?" Is this a problem that lurks on the minds of most middle-aged women hurtling toward 50?

Now I am quite aware that if I lost 20 more pounds, the land mass around my features would diminish and believe me I'm working on it, albeit slowly. It's hard to look in the mirror and see face that is resembling a blend of my parents staring back at me. This aging process is one that takes some time getting used to I suppose. I don't feel much different than I did 20 years ago. In fact, I feel better and more energetic almost buoyant. But it's the face that is signaling me that time is marching on and I'm not too far from reaching that half century mark.

So here's to losing 20 more pounds and reminding myself that my face is beautiful no matter how far into the universe it may spread.